| Hormones hormones hormones |
[Sep. 14th, 2007|06:15 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  sick | ] |
I am in one of those annoying "Everyone else in the world looks nice except me" moods. The only way to cure this is a nice big bout of shopping. Unfortunately, although I'm not brassic, I don't really have money to be throwing around on unnecessary clothes just to make myself feel better.
The other problem with this is NOTHING I LIKE BLOODY FITS ME! I went to the Next that's just opened down the road knowing full well that nothing would fit me, yet I still get fed up when nothing does! They had about one size 6 in the entire shop and I must just have a stupid shaped body because even the stuff that does fit me just makes me look ridiculous. My mum sent me the new Nomads catalogue, full of lovely shiny things that look lovely on the models in the catalogue but would look like a sack of spuds on me because the smallest size they do is a size 10-12.... two sizes bigger than my size. Hoo-fucking-rah! I bought a cyber dog dress on ebay a couple of weeks ago, which claimed to be a size small... does it fit me, no! Ok, ok, I know what you're all thinking, (supposedly) thin people shouldn't be moaning about things not fitting them blah blah blah, but, well, I have no excuse really, I'm just fed up.
I also feel sick, except I don't know if I really do. Jonny was really ill the night before last - throwing up and stuff. There's a bug going round work and of course I've convinced myself I'm going to get it, even though I manage to bypass these things pretty much every time (lots of exercise and vitamins!) The trouble with me is, I'm not able to differentiate between real life feeling ill and the sort of feeling ill that happens when I worry about feeling ill too much. I have a tendency now to attribute every ill feeling down to me worrying too much/making myself feel ill, and now my worry is that I'll get caught out because I won't be able to recognise when I really am ill.
Urgh, in fact, I think my general problem is that I have no sense of 'myself' in terms of how I feel, how I look, anything. I can't compare myself to other people. I look at other people who are blatantly two or three sizes bigger than me and I think they're thinner than me. I don't understand how I fit in with other people. Sometimes I don't even know what I'm thinking; if what I'm thinking/saying is actually what I think or if it's what I think I'm supposed to be thinking.
I should be going to the gym tonight but have been persuaded against it. Part of me wants to go but the other part wants to curl up under a duvet and watch a film with the biggest bar of chocolate ever imaginable (I definately won't be doing this!) Most likely I will have some dinner and do some housework. We were meant to be going out last night but I felt like shit so we stayed in and watched the Shawshank Redemption. Part of me wanted to go, but the other part just wanted to snuggle. Maybe I would have felt better if we'd have gone.
Why am I so indecisive?
This post was brought to you by a very hormonal, generally feeling like shit Ashley who is now going to have a nice bowl of soup as it appears this is what she now lives on when Jonny is on lates. This is probably not a bad thing. |
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| Comments: |
I know just how you feel re the clothes not fitting!
It's *so* pants!! And half the time (with skirts & trousers especially) even when you *find* a size 6 or XS(or 8 if it's the smallest a specific shop will do), and you try it on and it's STILL like fifty million inches too big around the waist and they expect everyone to wear their skirts *so* low on the hips that it's just *stupid* and highly likely to fall entirely off! :o/
*AND* the worst thing is when no-one around you will allow you to moan about these things because they claim that being small is a good thing!
*Ooops*
Sorry for invading your journal with my mini rant! :oS
no worries, glad someone understands what I mean! although I know I'd moan ten times as much if clothes didn't fit me because they were all too small!
It just seems that when you go into a shop nowadays there's millions of size 12/14/16 on the shelves but you're lucky if there's one 8 and practically dying of shock if there's a six. I know there's this whole 'oh it's so wrong to be thin' thing going on but there are lots of people who are naturally that size! If I was any bigger than I am now I would just look wrong!!
Hello just had a quick catch up on your journal. Shame we missed each other last time, hope youre feeling better. XX | |
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